Sunday, October 10, 2010

How easily I forget that I am a sinner, in need of God's grace and redemption every second of every day. How easily I slip into judging others; thinking that somehow I am better than they, that somehow I am more worthy, more deserving of....what, I'm not sure. How much time I spend judging people, criticizing people, reassuring myself I'm ______ -er than her, him, them.

Today I was reminded that I am a sinner. God does not love me any more than he loves anyone else on this Earth, despite whatever excuses I might conjure up to convince myself so.

Behold the Man upon a cross,
My sin upon His shoulders
Ashamed I hear my mocking voice,
Call out among the scoffers

It was my sin that held Him there
Until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life
I know that it is finished

We sang this at church today; it's been a while, and it always makes me think of All-School Communion at Wheaton. This past year I've tried to avoid such reminders. I'm not quite sure why - too much emotion? Maybe I'll be reminded that life actually is emotional, it's not all rational, and that it's okay to react with tears in worship sometimes? That such an experience isn't always contrived/fake/engineered?

I couldn't tell you that yet. But I think I'm about to embark on a journey to find out. Or maybe I'm already on the journey. [I think that's God's style, but I couldn't really say.]

I will not boast in anything
No gifts, no power, no wisdom
But I will boast in Jesus Christ
His death and resurrection

Why should I gain from His reward?
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom

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