i have applied!

Wednesday morning I mailed my internship applications! (Finally.) It took me so long to write my personal statements, mostly because I was unsure how to be confident and not cocky. I know that I do have skills that are valuable to the museum industry, and I have great experience, and I am very confident that I can do the job. But at the same time I don't have specific museum experience, and I am concerned because I haven't had a REAL job in a long time. Not that babysitting isn't a real job, but it is more flexible and isn't such a professional setting. I wear t-shirts and jeans to work, without showering, every day. But what is the point of looking nice when I end up all sweaty from teaching Madison back walkovers and get milk/spitup/drool all over my clothes from my precious babies? I get to make cookies, make bracelets, play guitar hero, watch the Disney Channel, sing songs, play Miss Mary Mack, talk about NOT doing Bloody Mary, wrestle, coo and giggle, and so many more wonderful things. Not to say that babysitting isn't fun, because it most definitely is, but it is a different sort of challenging than a job in a professional workplace with deadlines and other people counting on me in a different way than simply protecting their kids from harm. In a sense, nannying is a much more...responsible...job than most, because I am watching their children, their LIVES, and that is a HUGE undertaking. But yet I am more scared of walking into a museum and not knowing what to do than I am watching four children, including two babies, every day. It's just so interesting to me. Maybe it's because I am familiar with childcare, and so it is not a risk for me. I used to say that I don't like to babysit, and I don't want to make it my career goal, but I have grown to love it, especially watching the same kids everyday.

I just find interesting that what I used to be most comfortable with, ie office work, because it's easy and mindnumbing in many ways, now causes me great apprehension. Of course I hope my internships is challenging, and interesting, and engaging. Which is why I REALLY want to get one at a museum, either the MCA or the CHM. I confess...I really really really want it. I usually don't let myself want things that much just in case I fail. This is one thing I have let myself want. If I don't get accepted - that's all right. It's part of the learning process.

I'd just rather learn through something else... :)