home at last?

well, i have been home for almost two weeks. it has been nice to relax these two weeks, and to sleep in (WAY later than i should, really, or ever expected i could), and to hang out with my family and to earn (a little) money. but, i am always looking forward to going back to school. maybe it's because i have grown away from most of my high school friends and can go a long time after seeing them only once or twice. maybe it's because my best friend isn't here all summer. maybe it's because this summer i'm not dating anyone here, which is different than previous summers and consumed ALL my time then. maybe it's because i am not used to living in my room, and i don't work that much so i have a lot of free time, and i am not being that productive which is what i thrive on. i am not BUSY which, i know summer is a time for relaxation, but i am not productive when i am not busy. whatever it is, i just know that it is good i am only spending two months at home this summer. otherwise i would be slightly stir-crazy.

i can't believe victoria is graduating TOMORROW! susan has her last day in eighth grade tomorrow - she is going to high school next year! and victoria is going to COLLEGE! she will be preparing to leave just as i did. now THAT'S weird. QUITE weird. these days i just feel old all the time. i told susie i went to an nsync concert in 9th grade and she told me i was nerdy, then i reminded her that nsync was popular then. when she was in 2nd grade. that was 6 freakin years ago, do you realize that? when i did i just felt old, almost ancient. then my mom always asks me, what am i? and i realize i have a lot of my life ahead of me. i am just so proud of my sisters and i love them so very much and i can't believe they are growing up and our childhoods are pretty much over, and we are leaving home pretty much for good, besides temporary visits. i love my family so much and this is getting way too nostalgic and sentimental for 12 at night but that's what graduation does to you. my mother is just commenting how when you have a child you give them a piece of your heart, and i don't want to have kids because i don't want to see them leave. oh dear i am going to cry i am not ready to have any tears. i have noticed that i do not cry as much as i used to at all. in fact i try REALLY hard not to cry and to avoid any sentimental moments. crying just hurts too much. this semester i think i cried once, that i can remember. i don't think that's necessarily bad, although it might be good to be sentimental once in a while.

i am excited about living in an apartment, and i am mentally making a list of everything we might need. i am just excited to set it up and furnish it and decorate. plus i just love to buy things, really. i think that's mostly it. i think i might need a shopping therapy session. but you know, i RARELY regret buying anything. RARELY. so, i think that's a step in the right direction.

well, tomorrow Victoria graduates. and i have a new dress and new shoes for it, a double bonus. otherwise, we are readying ourselves for Cape Cod. where i will see at least one of my loves. (i can't WAIT). have a nice day.