Thursday, February 25, 2010

I'm Fasting?

For only about the second or third time this lenten season, I am "giving something up." At first, I didn't even think about it [because in general I am not really all that spiritual - unless someone close to me thinks about it first]. And then I thought about not giving something up, simply because I knew half the reason I was doing it would be because everyone else was and it would look like I really wasn't all that spiritual [ahem] if I didn't. Then I decided it might actually be a good exercise, considering millions of people do it, and at least claim to learn from that experience - most especially, in this ONE particular instance, just because everyone else was doing it did NOT mean I shouldn't.

So. I have given up "surfing the net." But, Ashley, you say, you are in fact posting a blog entry at this very moment! Do not worry, my rules in fact are quite complicated and tailored to my specific situation in life because if I did give up ALL internet I think my brain might implode and I would be left wandering around wondering WHAT exactly to do with myself. I did not think it was prudent to unleash such a personage upon society, let alone my innocent roommates. [This was the same process that caused me to nay-say giving up the classics: coffee, chocolate, caffeine, etc.]

To be more specific about my fast, I am giving up gchat [shock!], facebook, and general roaming of the net besides what I might specifically need to look up. At first I tried to give up anything besides e-mail, but I am so hampered by the fact that I CAN'T use the internet, that it's easier for me to function as a human being [and more efficient] if I am allowed to look up those useful tidbits of info that do make me an extremely efficient person. :)

So far, about [ten?] days into it, it's been going pretty well. Of course, that means, basically, that I haven't broken the fast. I have a GINORMOUS tendency to make things into a competition. For me, this whole fasting thing is just a challenge to see if I can do it.

I realize, yes, that this is not the purpose. Today it occurred to me that I might want to make this learning experience more about what it tells me about my daily life, my relationship with God, how he fits into it, and my relationship with other people. So, now that the initial "Well I'm not doing so bad at all, am I, look how easy this is!" is over, it's time I began to really investigate why people choose to fast from something for 40 long days, and have been doing so for many, many, many years.

I know I can only do it with God's help. Hence the reason I've already [almost] lost sight of the entire purpose: communion with the Most High. But there are still 30-odd days left - and the beautiful thing is, with God, it's never too late.

1 comment:

Ashley Joy said...

You're so eloquent! And we shall support each other in this fasting from. :)